non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
