woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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