she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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