is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
