just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
