I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
