Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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