I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
