He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
