does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
