this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
