Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
