I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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