Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
