You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
