i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
