why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
