my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
