so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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