I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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