Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
