We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
