I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
