can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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