Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
