i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
