He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
