I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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