when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
