My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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