2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
