please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
