you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
