I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
