found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
