My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
