Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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