theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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