booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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