Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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