I hate your face
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
