I don't think brook has ever known best
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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