So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
