he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
