And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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