I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
