tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
