It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
