Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
