My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
