Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
