I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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