Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
