my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He has the fingertips of a God
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