I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This toilet bowl is my home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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