let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
