I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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