I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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