if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
