the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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