He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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