i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
