im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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