No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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