I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
