My brain says no but my pants say off.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
