your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
