so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
