I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
