he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
