genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
