Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
