Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
