im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
