I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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