Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
