remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
