My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
